Log in

I'm married! Woo! The wedding was amazing and the honeymoon was… - Depphead [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

[Jun. 13th, 2011|02:53 pm]
[mood |depresseddepressed]

I'm married! Woo! The wedding was amazing and the honeymoon was amazing as well. I don't remember too much from the wedding, lol. I was in such a daze! It was wonderful seeing all my friends and family(even if I hardly got to talk to them) I don't remember anything that was said during the ceremony, all I could pay attention to was Manny. We took a cruise to Mexico for the honeymoon. That was awesome! We both needed it. I wish we could have stayed on that ship forever...

The first week of marriage has been rough. Not in the sense that being married to Manny is rough, but that we've had to deal with a lot of bullshit. I've had a few childish immature women make that week hell.

The company I work for has decided to not continue working with my client because her mom is a psycho bitch. The problem is they have to continue working with her til the end of the month. Well pyscho bitch mom has decided to do a bunch of shit to me to get back at my company, and my company is allowing her to do so. I just have to take it. And it kills me. And it makes me feel horrible.

On the note of making me feel horrible, 2 other women have managed to do so too. Apparently the night before the wedding Manny and his bridal party went to a graduation party(which I told Manny I didn't want him to go to it, but they went anyway)Anyways, Nessa and Monica(Kurt's sister) decided to sit down with Manny and tell him that he was making a mistake by marrying me, that he was settling with me, that I'm not good enough for him, that he could do better, that I was going to drag him down etc...
This hurts me to my core. Every time I think about this I get sick to my stomach. I was able to not think about it during the honeymoon, but now that we are back to our regular lives, I can't seem to shake it. For those that know me, you know that I've suffered from severe depression, and horrible self-esteem issues. I've always cared too much about what people think of me. I do everything I can to make everybody like me, and when I find out that somebody doesn't think I am a good person, it cuts me. I've spent years trying to get out of that dark place and when I finally feel like I've made it out, I now feel like I'm falling back in. I HATE that I am allowing 2 stupid bitches to affect me this much, but I care too much about how people feel about me. This is supposed to be the happiest time in my life, and I am so happy to be married to Manuel, but all I want to do is crawl in the corner and cry. I hate this feeling. I hate it.

[User Picture]From: babyladykatie
2011-06-16 02:57 am (UTC)
I'm so sorry. :( I really wish I had been there to hear them say that stuff....the night would have ended much differently. Thinking back on that whole weekend I wish I had handled a LOT of things differently.

I know how hard it is to deal with wanting people to like you and caring so much about what they think. I tell myself (and others) that I don't care what people think of me....and sometimes thats true....but when it comes to friends/family/coworkers, I absolutely care. And if I think that someone I care about is mad at me or doesn't like me it lingers, I can't shake it, I have the urge to do whatever I have to to make everything right. I think its also in our brains as women to understand why it is that someone doesnt like us. We're so emotionally driven that its hard to step aside and see things for what they are.....two heavily intoxicated women saying incredibly dumb things that they probably didnt even realize they were saying at the time.

I'm so happy for you, I'm so happy for Manuel, you guys are perfect for each other and no one can take that away from you. Not Nessa. Not Monica. No one.

This will pass in time, just like everything else....until then you just have to keep reminding yourself that at the end of the day, Manuel said "I do" because he loves you. Nothing else.
(Reply) (Thread)